Every relationship leaves its mark. In today’s hookup culture even our short flings leave significant marks on our memories, perceptions of love and self-esteem.
At some point in our lives, we have probably all been with somebody that isn’t ‘good’ for us. For some, you’ve been with several people who aren’t good for you. Understandably, after a while, you start asking ‘why?’. Why do you keep attracting toxic people into your life? Why can’t you find a loving partner and have them treat you the way you’re willing to treat them?
Some put it down to bad luck, while some convince themselves that they’re not worthy of a flourishing relationship. Truth is, however, is that there is a very simple explanation for this: your wounded self.
Wounded self and higher self…
What the fuck is a wounded self I hear you ask. Well, basically we have two sides to our subconscious. A “little” wounded self, and a “higher” spiritual self. The wounded self is ego, it’s doubt, it’s insecurity and it’s the side of us that makes us feel incomplete. Our higher spiritual self is where we feel accomplished, loved, sure of ourselves and wholesome human beings.
When it comes to a relationship we often activate our wounded self because that is where we harbour most of our pain and hurt. When we are hurt by a relationship, we tend to carry it with us, and in turn, we attract people who will highlight the same feeling. It sounds counterproductive but we almost take comfort in people where we can familiarise ourselves with pain.
Your unconscious is programmed to attract people who activate your wounds. The reason for this is so you’ll grow.
I know that doesn’t sound very fair but I guess it makes sense. We replay our wounds so we can finally reach the healing process. We cannot heal things we do not feel or see. We need to deal with the uncomfortable or painful feeling in order to move past it. People who cannot identify their wounded self stay stuck in repetitive cycles of negative or harmful relationships because they are constantly seeking validation or approval from this activated wound.
The ego is designed to constantly feel like something is missing.
A way to move past this is to align yourself more with your higher spiritual self. This is the side that knows your worth. It knows your beauty and strength but it isn’t as powerfully charged as your wounded self. In hindsight, you need to learn how to love yourself better.
I will be writing a post on how to activate your higher self very soon
After every failed relationship you learn something new either about yourself or about what is important to you when it comes to love. You start sifting through your non-negotiables and refuse to entertain anything that you identify as a red flag. If your higher self is at the forefront of your conscious you will eventually discard all toxic and harmful traits you once were drawn to in the past and focus on only what can elevate you and bring you consistent happiness.
It could all be so simple!