Breakups aren’t easy. Even as a year 9 savage telling a boy to his face that I just didn’t wanna hold his hand in the playground no more, I felt a sense of pressure and guilt not to hurt too many feelings.
It’s even worse when you’re the one that’s been dumped. The silence, the memories; the insecurities that come with the questions we start asking ourselves. It’s a real pain in the heart.
Rebounds are very common following a breakup. They help fill a void. They convince us that we are stronger than our feelings and they provide a great distraction. Problem is, however, is that it is also very common to run from one partner to another before you have properly had time to mourn your broken relationship. You unknowingly pass on all your attachment issues and need for companionship onto someone you possibly may not even know.
Here are seven tips on how to approach a rebound, if you feel you need one. Rebounds usually happen accidentally so I appreciate that you may not actively go looking for one, but these tips will help you overcome further distress and confusion when trying to get over your ex:
Differentiate:
Now, it’s SO important to differentiate between fun and future. You’re fresh out of a relationship so you may not have your head screwed on properly. You need to ensure that you are putting certain men into the right categories. Is he a serious candidate that you could see yourself dating (in the future)? Is he gorgeous but not wifey material? You can’t be treating every man the same (ie, you shouldn’t be freeing it up to every man). Make a decision on who gets what treatment, and why!
Go slow:
It’s not by force to interact with males. You will not die if you haven’t been moved to straight away. Enjoy this time alone.
Do not look for your ex in someone new:
You guys broke up for a reason, and although there will be 101 things you love and miss about your ex, searching for those qualities in someone else will not help you prosper. If anything, speak to people who are totally different to you, or your ex. Explore a little and experience something new.
Take care of yourself:
This is a perfect time to focus on number 1. YOU. But whether you’re doing it for JUST yourself or to help in your quest for attention from others, looking after yourself is imperative. I mean mentally, physically and spiritually.
Stay cool, calm and collected:
No man cares about your ex. No man remotely even cares about you at first loool. I’m joking. Or am I? No no I am joking. What I mean is men are usually slow to develop feelings and/or interests, so if you hit him with stories of your ex straight off the bat you are absolutely going to scare him away.
Weigh up the risks:
Are you needy? oversensitive? Will having a rebound trigger those emotions? Weigh up whether meeting new men early on will help you flourish or prolong your heartache. We don’t want you mourning over 3 guys as opposed to just the one.
Remember you are a bad b:
You don’t NEED a man. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you’re beautiful, intelligent and worthy. Do not go looking for your worth in temporary highs! Take compliments as they come but remind yourself that you are whole, and any man that wishes to join you on your journey (whether for a one night stand or a longer period of time) is simply adding to your already wonderful self.
I hope these tips help you in moving on sensibly and allow you to experience some fun without any additional hiccups along the way. You are single, remember! Don’t drown in the rebound now will you girl. If you have any tips of your own please feel free to leave a comment! x