You’ve got your best shirt on, your shoes are polished and you’ve spent 4 hours at the barbers. It’s Saturday night and you’ve got a flock of women around you… until Chamberlain comes and gives an excellent performance in your spot leaving you watching from the sideline.
How did that happen?
You’ve been out of action for a while and see this as temporary whilst you ease your way back in to greatness but there’s other signs out there to suggest that you might just be bad value for money. You ever spent a couple bags on a girl, pulling out the stops to impress her and even impressing yourself at how gentlemanly you can be, just for her to say:
“Tonight was great, thanks, ill text you tomorrow”
… wait, what? No midnight bang cup of coffee?
The money’s been dealt, the expectations are high, the confidence is soaring then you end up on the bench whilst Sánchez comes and picks up your date after you’ve dropped her home. What kind of side man movement are you allowing here? Wasn’t that midnight bang cup of coffee meant to be your 30 yard screamer? These girls are treating you like a mascot as you allow the other members of your team to come and take your free kick for you.
So how do you know if you’re playing the Özil role? What is there to suggest that you’ve spent the money to look like a big mac but still getting treated like a common happy meal?
Let’s take a look..
Other players are scoring your goals – you think you’ve got your position firmly set and fantasise about the next goal having your name written all over it only for Ramsey to swoop in past you and belt it to the back of the net. You act like you aren’t bothered by this but undoubtedly you question whether this girl had any interest in letting you score for this whole shambolic situation to occur.
No mention in the post-match interview – She hasn’t told her friends much about you except you’re a nice guy. Nice guys usually tend to finish last and they definitely don’t score half as much as their fast paced, tenacious team mates. When a girl only says of how sweet you are it’s usually another way of dropping you into the friendzone without actually having to declare that they don’t want to carry on your contract.
You win by default– The guy she really wants is being a div so she goes home with you because she’s lonely and wants to try making a point to the one where her attention actually lies. It’s a shallow win because you know that without that last minute assist from the guy who bailed on her you wouldn’t have scored at all.
Money doesn’t talk – You’re worth nearly 43mill but she still prefers to hang out with Ospina during the week.
You’re not as good as your rivals – you like to think you’re a stud and this is obviouslyyyy not proven by the few default wins you’ve had this year but evidence suggests that your rivals are still making more waves than you. Sterling, Oscar and Rooney are all scoring points for their lad gang whilst you need your boys to make up the group bedpost number for you.
Do any of the above sound familiar? I mean don’t get me wrong you have your celebratory moments and you’re known to pass a smooth ball down the line (wingman) but it seems that you’re often left in the dark. You’re a ghost player overshadowed by the rest of your team.
I wish you all the best Mesut Özil
This post was inspired by the guys over at Brothers With no Game (BWNG) who always had me in stitches.