“Being happy is a very personal thing”. Who knew? Am I late? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve spent the majority of my life making happiness such a public, ‘for everyone’ kinda thing. It’s not until you’re on the verge of rash decisions, or so deeply unhappy that running away on the back of a unicorn seems logical, that you consider what happiness truly is and what it means to you.
Involving other people in my emotions has certainly been detrimental to my growth as a person, and I know that right at this current moment I have to actively remove this notion that my happiness must incorporate other people or my work. I feel guilty when I need time alone. I spend hours wondering what people are thinking, if they’re judging me or what impact my actions are having on them. But then I have short, sharp moments of “wtf fam” because let’s be real, people probably aren’t putting me at the forefront of what they’re doing, or the decisions that they need to make for themselves; I wouldn’t expect them to either.
unhappiness is very subjective because we all have our own struggles. I know that some of my problems are minuscule in comparison to other people, people I even know, but that doesn’t mean I must neglect myself because I do also have struggles that they will not have, and never will experience. We are not in competition.
I’ve said it before and not really meant it but I mean it now when I say that doing what YOU have to do, to ensure that YOU are happy, is so imperative to flourishing in this weird yet wonderful world. I’m in the process of trying to block out judgement or the impact my absence is having on people because if I don’t I will only burn myself out to the point where I am useless to everybody. I’m too wavy to be useless you know. (I know you know).
I’m hoping that by taking a few weeks to myself, I can identify what it is that I need to do and what direction I need to head in to wheel myself back up to being a 10/10. If you are reading this and any of it resonates, I urge that you take some time to yourself; read, write, play, eat (lol) anything that will help you restore your energy and protect your peace. Remembering to be grateful is always important too. You are alive, you are kicking; you are beautiful and you have purpose. Love ya’ll (except if you’re reading this and hate me in which case get the fuck off my page x).
No one’s got you, like you..