You lot been on my neck for content so here is some content!
I know I am in the minority with this mindset but stay with me and hear me out. Dating exclusively has become another modern day dating term which upon evaluation of many, many people appears to be complete nonsense. We meet people who we connect well with and straight away there’s this lingering confusion of what it is you’re doing and what the expectations are as each day passes. Eventually somebody cracks and asks what direction the flow is going in (and like I’ve said before unless you identify as a river I don’t recommend aimlessly going with the flow with anybody) and then that’s when all of a sudden somebody mumbles something about being exclusive but not official. You don’t really understand what it means, and neither do they. One month later you’re on Instagram and your intuition guides you to some babes page who happens to have been in the same location as your babes last night and oop – there they are? Together? Sharing calamari and a passionfruit martini.
Calamari and a PASSIONFRUIT MARTINI when we are meant to be exclusive? Are you alright in the head. Alexa: play Beyonce Ring The Alarm.
This keeps happening to people over and over in today’s dating scene because everybody is doing a whole load of talking but not actually saying anything. And in turn, people now refuse to acknowledge exclusivity as something worthwhile or that makes sense. Because what is the point of being exclusive if you are going to end up crying into your morning oats either way? And when that argument hits you’re going to be slapped with some sort of gaslighting about how you’re not actually together. Please, just send the floods.
I think there is a real lack of maturity and emotional intelligence when it comes to dating which is where most issues seem to stem from. They say love shouldn’t be hard and I agree, but I do think that life in general right now isn’t easy and that can tip over into how we navigate our love lives and if you aren’t mature enough, or emotionally intelligent enough to do things properly the suffering is going to come down on you like a ton of bricks.
My unpopular opinion is that dating exclusively actually makes sense. You could argue that you may as well just be boyfriend/girlfriend and if it doesn’t work out then you break up, but I’ll be real I’m not trying to say I’ve had 10 boyfriends in this life. Shout out to those lucky few I hope your families are doing well. Actually, except one. You can go to hell.
It’s all about being intentional. Buzzword of the year I know but it does hold weight. If you navigate with maturity and with emotional intelligence being exclusive can be a beautiful introduction to your relationship, and if not, you still experienced that person within the realms of a type of commitment sacred to you both. Dating exclusively obviously does look a lot like a traditional relationship and there are boundaries, but the purpose is to spend this time really getting to know one another on the deepest of levels to figure out whether you have a future together or not. You are actively dedicating time to getting to know just one person and not seeking out other people to meet up with or simultaneously get to know. They say that we don’t really not know somebody within the first 3 months and as such if you genuinely really like them (this could be anywhere between the first few weeks and the first month or two) this is a good time to discuss being exclusive before possibly taking the next step a few months down the line. You will learn how that person deals with conflict, what their triggers are, how you deal with time apart etc. You are trialling what your relationship might be like and as we see time and time again it’ll either work or it won’t. Being exclusive allows you the peace of mind to know that you are only rocking with each other, but the flexibility and freedom to experiment the connection and decide whether you see them seriously in your future.
As always, there are conditions. Being intentional also means having some sort of timeframe or idea in your head about what happens next if all is going well. Ideally you’d want the man (because sis I pray you never ask a man out) to solidify the connection with a proper proposal of “will you be my girlfriend” etc because otherwise the whole idea of being exclusive just becomes a bit of an excuse to avoid commitment. You really need to spend each day working towards knowing whether you’re compatible longterm or just compatible right now. Taking all of these dating terms and actually putting them into practise properly will save you a lot of wasted time and heartache. You have to take control of how you want your experiences to go and the first step is open communication about what these terms mean to you and how they could possibly be implemented into what you are doing. We always want to avoid the conversation but knowing what you want and/or having the courage to converse with somebody about it will always lead you down a better path where the outcome will either be a flourishing relationship or at least some pleasant dating experiences. Emphasis on pleasant dating experiences because even if you are not overly bothered about a relationship right now, or not even interested in one at all, it doesn’t mean that the people you meet should treat you any less accordingly and the experience be toxic and messy. I’m not sure when or how casual dating became such a warzone of negativity; but either way I don’t have the mental strength to talk about that today but what I will say is out of all the different terms, talking stage is bullshit lol. You either casually dating, exclusive or in a relationship. Choose one.
Anyway, I hope that made sense. Good luck!