Ghosting and its definition has been around for quite some time now but if you’re reading this thinking what the hell are you talking about then here is what the term ghosting means in today’s dating world:
Ghosting: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
I’ve been asked a few times over the past few months to discuss the concept of ghosting, and if it wasn’t for one of Oloni’s infamous Twitter threads resurfacing just recently then I may have continued to avoid the conversation completely. You can read that here. Why would I avoid the conservation you ask, well, to put it bluntly being ghosted on f*cking sucks and not only does it f*cking suck to experience it’s also just a pretty sh*tty thing to do.
I first experienced ghosting when I was 19. I wasn’t particularly interested in *he who shall not be named* when I met him, however, he was certainly interested in me. He was the perfect gentleman to the point where I thought OK OK, let me hear him out. I eventually allowed him to woo me and we started dating. Things were going incredibly well and although I liked him I’m quite hard to read initially so I kept my feelings to myself. We weren’t official but it was an all day everyday type thing. I would travel to him and vice versa. He was very vocal about how he felt (or how I thought he felt) about me and would regularly remind me how special I was and how deep he was falling. Fast forward some months and I’m really feeling the kid so I responded to one of his text messages saying “I have fallen for you too:) ” – I DIDN’T HEAR FROM HIM AFTER THAT. HE LITERALLY VANISHED. I cried for weeks because I couldn’t comprehend how someone could disappear after sending me texts about liking me. I tried calling and texting – nothing. To this day I’m convinced he had a challenge to himself to get me to fall for him, with no intention of catching me when I did, however, friends say he just ghosted and moved on generally. It was one of the most painful and confusing situations I have ever been in and to this day it doesn’t make sense lol. Heard he cheated on his wife though – classy guy.
This was in 2009 so the actions of ghosting has been around for some time now, but in today’s dating world it’s becoming more and more common and it further pushes people away from building positive, trusting relationships with one another. I’m sure you’ve read a thousand times that SoCiAl MeDiA hAs RuInEd DaTiNg so i’m not here to discuss that, but I would say it definitely makes it easier to disconnect and void yourself of moral responsibility. People are connecting over Snapchat and Instagram, Twitter etc and all it takes is an unfollow or block when things get rough. I always tell my friends social media is not an appropriate form of communication and if you’re not swapping numbers at least then there’s your first red flag.
The newer thing I seem to be discussing lately is the gradual ghost. The ones where you think things are all good then suddenly they don’t reply or cannot see you tonight. You go from three times a week to once and even then it’s a chore to get them to commit. You stop messaging every day until one day you give up because wtf. It’s a real confusing situation to find yourself in because there are so many variations of reasons and excuses why someone would do that to you. Are they protecting their feelings? Do they like me too much? Have they met someone else? Are they going through sh*t? Wait…are they dead?? It’s one you can’t really even discuss too tough because you just end up coming across as needy when they deny their actions and pretend things are fine. You end up taking the L and slowly moving on from something you hadn’t agreed to end.
For me personally, although I experienced ghosting in full effect I actually think gradual ghosting is worse. What do you think? I mean, clinging onto conversation or desperately trying to see someone you once were seeing every day is some real sad sh*t. It’s confusing and being in a state of limbo is not ideal for anyone. You also put yourself in a state of denial by refusing to accept they may just not be into you anymore. You would rather believe that they’re not messaging because of other external factors instead of just facing reality. On top of all of that, there is no closure for you to aid your healing process. Some people think closure is a cop out, and it can be, but it can also give you the clarity you need to move on and prepare for hoe szn.
I think I will write another post on how to deal with ghosting so I will link that here once it’s done, but I want to know whether you have experienced this dating tragedy before and what your perception of it is? Do you agree with the concept of ghosting? Do you think full ghost or gradual ghost is worse? Let me know in the comments below x