How To Deal With And Move On From Being Ghosted

Ola!
In June I wrote a quick piece on the dating monstrosity which is ghosting and I explained what the concept of it is and how I had actually experienced it some years ago – give that a read here. I said I would do a post on how to deal with and move on from being ghosted so below I have listed ‘the stages of ghosting grief’ (pretty good, huh?) and a few tips to help you get through what is truly a crap time.

Stages of Ghosting Grief

Not quite sure what is going on stage: You haven’t heard from them in quite a few hours which is weird and you’re a bit of a worrier but surely there’s an explanation. You check their socials for updates… oh, they tweeted 2 hours ago? Madting.
Denial stage: Those hours turned into days and shorty aint picking up his phone but you refuse to believe he would just ditch you like that so you create a thousand reasons as to why he isn’t responding to you.
Pre heartbreak stage: You have Destiny’s Child ‘Where’d You Go‘ on repeat and have knots in your stomach because you miss speaking to them like mad but you STILL don’t know wa’gwan. You’re not sure if you should be upset yet – still kinda mixing with stage 2.
Realisation stage: It’s been the longest time you’ve ever gone without speaking to this person and you’re slowly deeping that they have in fact ditched you without so much as a word. You’ve had time to think about everything and at this point you’re just confused and disappointed more than anything.
Get them back/revenge stage: Posting up on socials, going out more and wearing less; talking to his boys; hitting up motives he may be at. This is also essentially a denial stage because to make yourself feel better you’re doing tooo much lol. It’s easier to believe that eventually he’ll return because you’re such a catch than it is to accept you no longer light his fire.
Exhaustion stage: Bruh your emotions have done mileage. You’ve cried, you’ve reached out, you’ve done the most and ranted and raved to your friends and now you’re just tired. You desperately want closure and to move on. Nothing from the past 3 months has made sense.
Time is a healer stage: The weeks turn to months and slowly but surely you start to live your life the way you did before you even met this piece of shit. He crosses your mind but in fleeting moments and the pain only rears its head occasionally. You even flirted with someone new last week. Go you!
Onwards and upwards stage: You look back and can even laugh at the L you took. It hurts lowkey but you’re fine, you’re good. It’s also usually this stage that said person tries to holla loool IF I SLAP. Holla for what? We know you ghosted -_- go away! We’re healing here.

Side note – I’m aware there may be the odd occasion where somebody ghosts because of personal circumstances and not because they’re a coward but I kinda think it’s cowardly all the same. Communication isn’t that difficult.

How To Deal With Being Ghosted On

1. Don’t be toooo fast! Take time to assess the situation. Don’t overreact, he could genuinely still be at the doctors…
2. Write things down. Instead of texting them every thought that pops into your head, store them in your notes. Read over them, add and erase bits. Start a dialogue, but not with them…
3. Step away from social media. It’s so hard I know, but refreshing their page only prolongs the healing process.
4. Know your worth. Do you want to be with somebody who has the ability to drop people out without a word? Does somebody like that deserve somebody like you anyway?
5. Keep busy. This is key to be honest. Nothing worse than twiddling your thumbs all day because there’s too much room for thought. Take on extra duties at work or fill the diary up with coffee dates and weekend motives.
6. Daily affirmations. Remind yourself that pain is only temporary. It’s (likely) this isn’t your fault so be kind to yourself and adopt a ‘what will be, will be’ attitude.
7. Treat it like a breakup. Because it is, regardless of the status. You may not have been together long or you may have been dating for ages, either way you need to go through the motions and be true and honest to yourself. It’s OK to be sad and upset.
8. Stay in character. Don’t start going to garage raves just in case him or his mates are there. Don’t walk past his work if you never usually would. Your routine needs to stay the same.
9. Don’t be afraid to meet new people. It seems draining or even daunting I know but harmless conversations and little distractions go a long way in helping you realise that you’re investing too much energy into grieving someone that’s still alive.
10. Forgive. I mean, worst advice from me because I hold grudges but really having a forgiving heart will help you heal 10 x quicker than overthinking and being mean about the person. What they did was wrong and you know that, they also know that, so send those vibrations back to sender and detox your heart and soul of any negativity. This won’t come easy during the first few stages of ghosting grief but you’ll get there I promise.

The lack of closure is probably the hardest part of moving on from being ghosted because chances are you didn’t see it coming. A real ghoster does literally up and leave and it’s imperative you don’t let that eat away at your self esteem or security. Some things in life unfortunately don’t make sense, and if you can come to terms with this being one of them you will slowly forget about the closure and move on gracefully anyway.

When you’re in a better, more fulfilled place afterwards you can assess whether a conversation in the future is worth having or not. We all know men like to pop up randomly when we’re flirty and thriving so although I urge you to NOT wait for this day just in case it never comes, be prepared that one day you may get some answers…