I’m sure most of you or your parents have experienced that gut-wrenching moment of realising that there is a mouse or a rat sharing your home and wearing your clothes; I had that experience recently. I researched so much about these little rodents that I now identify myself as a pest control expert and I do charge for advice.
Among the sheer panic that a tiny mouse might try sleep in my bed (for which I haven’t given consent so that’s a separate issue entirely), I started to notice some similarities between these little bastards and….men.
Now, first of all, I am actually joking (kind of) and I do love men, despite me often saying otherwise. If you find offense in this post then I’m just here to tell you beforehand that I’m not sorry.
Here are some of the resemblances I came across:
- They don’t come when you call them. Instead, they hide? You may have headphones in but I can still see you-you idiot.
- They eat everything and don’t tell you. Those crackers were mine but whatever.
- They sleep all day and stay up all night. You’re a big man to be falling asleep at your desk then staying up playing COD until 4am.
- They make a mess and don’t clean it up. Sorry, am I maid?
- They wait until you’re at peace to terrorise you. I’m minding my business reading a book in complete silence and you come and mess everything up and now I’m not in the mood to sleep. Cheers.
- They go missing and then come back days later like everything is normal. Are you cheating on me or what.
- They’re simple. It’s nice that all you want in life is a comfortable bed and endless supply of food but can you at least listen to MY feelings? What about ME?
- They look cute but they’re not. Your baby face is not fooling me.
So that’s at least 8 resemblances – can you think of any more? Men, if you’re reading this in complete disbelief, do you have any resemblances of your own? I’d like to hear them and see how accurate (or not) they are! x